My grandmother, Momie Za, is an 89-year-old Haitian immigrant. Since 1977 she has lived in a very strong Haitian community in Cambridge, Massachusetts. This is one of the main reasons has not embraced the English language. Fourteen years ago, my parents retired to Florida. My grandmother declined to join them. They asked me to look after her, assuming that she would change her mind, but she never did. As Momie Za aged, she felt increasingly neglected and lonely. As a result, I made the decision to visit her more often to ease her loneliness. Over time, I slowly assumed the role of primary caregiver. I was a single 25-year-old in the midst of a budding career as a radio producer, now responsible for taking care of an increasingly frail, non-English speaking grandmother. As the years went by, I struggled to maintain my relationship with Momie Za, simultaneously acting as granddaughter and caretaker. I was arranging for medical care, food shopping, laundry, housekeeping, and paying her bills. I was unwilling and unable to deny any of my grandmother’s needs and unfortunately; I wasn’t good at asking others for help.
I thought I could single-handedly manage my career and personal life, as well as all of her needs, until everything came crashing down around me one summer. I was at a friend’s wedding when I received a call from a nurse at a local hospital telling me that my grandmother had been rushed to the emergency room; she was suffering complications from an improperly prescribed drug and might not make it through the night. After days of heartache, stress, and conversations with every specialist familiar with her case history, I had the good fortune of watching my grandmother pull through. She was placed in a rehab center for two weeks to regain her strength. In the wake of nearly losing the only grandparent I’ve ever known, I decided to change both of our lives for the better. I began by developing a support system. I found a qualified, trustworthy physician and together we worked to define ways of alleviating some of the burdens I had taken on, while maintaining Momie Za’s livelihood and happiness. I then hired a Haitian advocate to accompany her to all of her medical appointments, as well as a personal care assistant to help around her home. I than enrolled her in adult day care three days a week for positive human interaction and had Meals-on-Wheels available for days that cooking was not an option. And finally I made arrangements for prescription deliveries and a bi-weekly visiting nurse service.
Perhaps most importantly, I made her aware of the need to assume a more active role in her own life. She started contributing substantially to my efforts by taking on small tasks and projects such as doing her own laundry, keeping up with her bills and preparing a traditional Haitian dinner for us every Sunday. In the years since, we’ve both come to realize that my need for her is just as great as her need for me. My grandmother is my best friend. We cry together, laugh together and drive each other crazy, but ultimately we relish knowing that we have forever enriched each other’s lives.
